Philippians 4:11 New Living Translation (NLT)
11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.
I used to walk relatively quickly when the need was there. Now my only hope is that I don’t trip or fall while walking. There is no quickness in my steps anymore. I miss that. I miss being able to take walks without being in pain and needing to sit down every 10 minutes or lean on a shopping cart if “my helper” is not with me. I totally dislike the fact that I require “my helper” more times than not. “My helper” is my rollator walker, with a built-in seat and storage basket. It weighs about 20-30 pounds and because it is made for a large person like myself, although it does fold, it still takes up precious cargo space and strength to haul it in and out of a vehicle.
I rarely go to the store alone anymore, not because I wouldn’t enjoy a break without family members going everywhere with me, but because if I have to purchase more than one or two things, I do require assistance. If there are no electric carts available, then I need “my helper” to maneuver through the store and be able to take multiple breaks to relieve the pain and pressure felt throughout my body, mainly in my lumbar (lower) spine area. Leaning on a shopping cart is the last resort, as it does not dimish the pain, but at least I have something to hold onto.
My husband has multiple names for “my helper”. And I truly do understand his frustration. When we travel anywhere, far or near, I need it. There are times I fool myself thinking I will be ok with just my cane, but if I were, to be honest, my cane doesn’t provide the same type of support the walker does. And can cause more pain because of instability; my muscles tense up which then lead to spasms, which are far more painful than if I had just chosen to use it.
Going shopping is always a planned event. Where are we going? Will “my helper” fit through the aisles. Yesterday we shopped at a local store, and I didn’t think we would make it through the store. It was busy. It’s that time of year, the aisle ways are only made for one person with a cart to go through, wall to wall people, stacks of merchandise everywhere, but we made it. Almost everywhere I go, that I will need assistance in maintaining my mobility requires planning.
There were many sporting events and band events that our grandson participated in this year, that made it impossible for me to attend. That is when my heart breaks. I want to be a grandmother that can support and cheer on my grandchildren and encourage them in all they do and some things I just can’t because of the disabling conditions I live with.
I’m thankful I had the foresight to purchase this before I retired due to my disability. It’s large and bulky and irritating that I must rely on it, but I am not ready to stop living and be relegated to my home for the rest of my life.
Even with this tool, I still move slowly. In my mind, I am walking at an amazingly fast pace and then I look over at family members I am with and realize I am still slower than most people because I have been left in the dust. I am always playing catch-up. But I am still moving. Ever so slowly.
The Lord has placed people in my life that remind me that I am very blessed. And while I need to work on being content with using a walker on a daily basis, I know that He will help me overcome the fear of what other’s think when I use it.
So are there areas in your life where contentment isn’t what you thought it would look like? Or areas you hope will be better one day. Remember that while life may not turn out like we envisioned or dreamed, we are still living and breathing.
Jesus Loves You~right where you are~at this moment.
Jesus can turn any mess into a message and any test into a testimony! #HopeAlwaysHaveFaith
Until next time~blessings to you~Carlene