Exhaustion

As I sit her listening to Tenth Avenue North singing Worn,  I know God is still on the throne and is still in control and in charge.

This has been a long week for me and it’s only Tuesday! Today was a reminder how precious life is and how we should live every day as if it is our last. We said goodbye to our cousin. He was one of the most loving souls I knew. He always had a kind word for everyone he met; he saw the good where other’s were more judgmental and he was a good man. Always doing the right thing. Honest and loving. He will be missed. I hadn’t seen him in many years. Life gets busy and we think we have all the time in the world and in a heartbeat we lose that moment.

I had kept in touch with him through social media, a comment here and there or a short instant message, which I am thankful for, but it’s hard to believe he is no longer with us.All of us know he has gone home to the Lord. His service was beautiful and we saw family we hadn’t seen in years.

Comments were made from all there, how sad it is that there are no more reunions or get together’s …we all wish for days gone by, when we would sit down together to take in a meal and fellowship with one another, but now we are all scattered and our schedules are too full.  When did family time become a thing of the past? Was I sleeping through all of it?

The hardest thing to accept is he hadn’t been sick, was healthy and happy and it was just his time.  Living in a family of Christians, made it easier to accept his passing, knowing we would reunite when it was our time. Regardless of whether a loved one has been ill and death is imminent or it is a total shock, the grieving is the same. It’s hard to let go. But God gives you the strength to carry on. He comforts us when we are totally exhausted because times like these are so painful to your heart and spirit.

And if having a funeral isn’t enough to have to deal with, we are dealing with our youngest grandson that isn’t speaking like he should by all earmarks of language development. Testing today and more testing tomorrow.  Long days with no clear answer in sight.

A family member struggling with Alzheimer’s and all of us struggling with a way to make things routine and “constant” for him. Praying God gives us wisdom to know what to do and what to say.

Then there’s this lovely Fibromyalgia thing. Running (not literally) all over the place, a lot of walking, runs you down to where you feel you can’t take one more step. The pain increases and if you’re not careful a flareup sets in. Flareups don’t last for a few hours, usually more like a few days, sometimes a week. Then everything else goes to the wayside. Laundry and dishes pile up, getting out of bed and maybe dressed, takes all the energy you have. You feel like you’re not even human.  OR 1/2 human. Things like doing laundry and folding clothes that came so easy before, now take twice to three times as long to get done, because you have to sit down and just rest.  When you are in a flare, what might normally take 30 minutes to do, now takes hours and you still don’t feel like you accomplish anything.

I am thankful for friends and family that love me no matter how worn out I am. Sleeping for several days is just a dream. The fatigue associated with Fibromyalgia is like being awake for 3 or four days straight, with no rest.  This fatigue makes me feel nauseated and an overall feeling of “blah”. Depression sets in because the pain, the fatigue, feeling like you can’t make plans or making plans and then you have to cancel because you just can’t function like normal.

Never take a single moment for granted, because none of us are promised a tomorrow. Live each minute to the fullest. Love extravagantly, tell people you love them, don’t wait until it’s too late to live your life. I have learned that housework can wait. Family can’t.

To my cousin Tim, you will be missed. You left a lasting legacy and may you rest in the arms of the Savior.Tim H

Blessings to all. Remember Jesus Loves You,

Carlene

 

 

 

 

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