Broken Pieces

I’m trying hard to comprehend the need for Tyson to break and destroy objects that he comes in contact with. Is it because it’s the natural course in the life of a toddler? The curiosity of how things are made and assembled? Or simply the pure joy of seeing toys, priceless mementos of a lifetime ago break apart, or does his need for sensory input figure into the equation? love-1221444_640

I learned long ago as a younger parent to not ask the Lord for patience; inevitably that required walking out many trials involving the art of patience, only developed as you learn to maneuver the pitfalls and blessings of parenthood. In my 30’s, it seems I was more apt and skilled to tune out the chaos. As I’ve grown older and presumably wiser, my hope was I would be much more mellow than I am.

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Some things require ongoing instruction; He’s teaching me to live in the Peace only He can give. To seek wisdom and discernment in areas that although familiar to when our children were young; they never seemed to have this much high-strung energy that never stops!

And in the same instant that something has been quashed, there’s this ray of sunshine that gleams thru and says, “I wuv you.” And sees my sad frown turned upside down, leaps in my lap and hugs me tight.

I talk to him about the broken objects and try and explain why we don’t break things. Some days, he says,”sorry” other days there is no comprehension that a mistake was made.

And I forgive.

I think of the many times in my life, I have done or said something that grieved Jesus, and yet, He loves every broken piece of me and forgives all.

He doesn’t hold our sins over us but lovingly rebukes and corrects us and allows us to live under His mercy and grace.

At the end of my walk here on earth, I want to know that thru all the brokenness and struggles, I learned to love and forgive like Jesus. To overlook offenses and show mercy. To not be the one pointing the finger, but the one saying, things are just things. People matter more.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27 NIV

May you know how much Jesus Loves You~right where you are in this moment.

Blessings~Carlene

 

 

 

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Reflections

As I sit here thinking back on the last several weeks, I am reminded how precious our time is here on earth and how important it is to live our lives to the fullest every single moment we are given and whatever we choose to do, we do it with unbridled passion. Near the beginning of the month, a lifelong friend, that had so courageously battled cancer and never given up hope that she would survive, was killed by her husband.  

She cherished life and her children/grandchildren. She loved her friends and always had something positive to say, no matter how bleak things were for her. She was always smiling, for as long as I can remember. Always smiling on the outside. Always a kind word. And the last time I had spoken to her weeks before her death, she was still hopeful and joyful, even though, as it turns out her life was less than joyful. She chose to live life in such a manner to leave a legacy of loving others with kindness and compassion. She will never be forgotten. She touched so many lives while she was here.  

After the news of her death and paying respects, joining in the sorrow of the loss that many of us feel and celebrating who she was, I realized that none of us know the time or day God will call us home. So, with the time I have, I better us it wisely.`

Prior to the first of the year, I had prayed and planned and envisioned what 2018 was going to look like, what I was going to strive for and what my theme for this new year would look like. My theme is the same: Focus on God, Be Intentional and Savor the Moments of Life. My visions have shifted.

I realized that as I attempted to build an online business with Plexus Worldwide as an Independent Ambassador, I loved connecting with others and offering them hope, through health and wellness supplements, I did not like the “business” side of it. No matter how many customers I gained or other people that signed up to do the same, that is not where my heart lies. I could go on living that lie, or I could get real and realized that God has a different plan for me. When doing something that you are not 100% all in, no matter how much you try to convince yourself, there will always be feelings of resentment or maybe resentment isn’t the right word, but feeling like if I continued on that path, my family and I were suffering, emotionally.  I just knew that it was preventing me from being the person I was created to be.  I will always have GREAT things to say and share about Plexus and the products they offer, and I will continue to use them because they have helped me to feel so much better, but this is not where my joy comes from.

Jesus is my joy! Reading the Word, learning Truth, sharing the Good News that is where I find my joy, that is where I feel fulfilled. Hope comes in many forms and loving others comes naturally to me. I always look for the positive in any situation. I choose to show grace and mercy as much as humanly possible. I have many flaws, as do others, but I look for the good.  There is so much evil in this world, so much hatred and greed and people that are all about themselves, I don’t care to watch the news anymore. That’s all you see most of the time. It’s sad, but the one thing that never ever changes is Jesus. He is the same today, as he was 2000+ years ago, and he will be the same 2000 years from now. He is the one constant in my life. He is my Lord and Savior and He is my friend. 

He has seen me go through so much in my lifetime, and He still loves me. He weeps when I weep and he rejoices when I rejoice. My life has been far from perfect, there have been many choices I have made that have caused others to hurt, emotionally and as he works with me to realize that there is nothing I can do to be perfect this side of Heaven, he has taught me that forgiveness and love can cover over a multitude of anger, hate, evil and despair. When the demands of being a wife, mother, sister, grandmother, and friend become overwhelming, when there isn’t enough time in the day to accomplish all you hope to or need to, when the expenses outweigh the income, He always provides a way for things to work out. When you feel like you are in a tunnel and the walls are closing in, He is the One who lights the path and helps me to hold it all together. Days when I feel like screaming or crawling in a hole somewhere, He is with me. He comforts me. He lives within me. He guides me. 

I sit here in the midst of chaos. Toys spewed all over, crumbs left on the floor by a toddler, laundry overflowing that needs to be folded, dishes stacked high waiting to be washed, bills stacked up and I can choose to do two things, I can look at them as blessings in disguise or I can choose to be angry that no one else seems to notice. 

I choose to see everything in my life as blessings.  There are toys because He gave us this gift in the form of an inquisitive young child that wants to know how everything works and why the wheels spin on the toy truck, or loves the idea of the “black” sweeper, even though he can’t handle the noise of it, the crumbs and the dishes piled high mean there is food in our home to nourish our physical bodies, the laundry means we are fortunate enough to have more than one outfit to wear and a washer/dryer to care for those outfits.  The mess all around is contained by these four walls, we have a home to live in and a roof over our heads.  As I sit here typing this, I am watching my grandson, shred a piece of paper all over the floor, knowing that is just one more thing on my ever-growing list, but my life without him would be so lackluster and boring.

Every single child is a gift and a blessing. Some require more care than others. Extra care that you aren’t sure what that looks like or if it will ever happen where less one on one care will happen, but you embrace them. You love them. Living with someone on the Autism Spectrum is overwhelming, rewarding, crazy, chaotic and sometimes very stressful. Being able to cry out to Jesus and sit with Him in the midst of the chaos, keeps me sane. I think.

If you are living a life that is not what you want, you do have the power within yourself to make the changes.  It may not be easy, it might be the hardest thing you have ever done, but you are worth it.

May you know that Jesus Loves You~right where you are.

Blessings~Carlene

Rest in the arms of Jesus Sam! I love you and miss you deeply. (Samantha Howard Freels, July 7, 1965 – January 12, 2018)

Samantha

 

 

New Eyes

Do you grieve God?

Ephesians 4:30New International Version (NIV)

30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

How many times a day do I grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with my words and actions? Jesus died nailed to a cross for me; for you. He took upon Himself the sins of the world, and He did this because His Love is greater than our earthly eyes can even begin to imagine or grasp.

Every time I argue or disagree with someone, do I stop to think that maybe, just maybe they are in their own battle and instead of being loving and kind toward them, I am only increasing their pain. I don’t ever set out on my journey for the day wondering who I can hurt, but I know I have, and words can pierce through your hearts in ways that aren’t easy to fix.

Just as God is my Heavenly Father and Creator, I as a parent have been grieved by actions of my children. As a parent, I am to protect them, teach them and love them, whilst allowing them to make mistakes, just as I have made, so they too can learn from them.  It really hurts my heart, when I can’t fix them or fix the world for them.

Our daughter faced bullying at a young age, and the reality is because she hasn’t accepted the Lord as her personal Savior, she has no room in her heart for forgiveness. She holds onto the hurt and spews it from her mouth when she feels there is no way out. She puts up walls and those walls become impenetrable to break through. Every disagreement, argument or hurt that she feels comes out in anger toward whoever is in her presence when she explodes. In moments such as these, I want to scoop her up in my arms and hold her tight and protect her from the hatefulness the world has to offer. That is not an option. She is in her 20’s now and has informed me more than once that she is not a baby. Wrongs become grudges that never go away. They have such a stronghold on her that the only thing I can do as her mother is to pray that God will continue to work with me and others in her life to show her the way.

So, the point I am trying to make by sharing this little glimpse of my life, is if she grieves my spirit, how much more do I grieve God’s and how do I fix that? I do pray and ask for forgiveness; I walk with Jesus daily and allow His Holy Spirit to guide my actions. There are many times throughout my day that the Holy Spirit will nudge me to go one way and convict my spirit that I need to do something, even if it’s painful for me to do.

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How many times does Jesus have to tell us that there is nothing we can do to earn His love and salvation?  Once we accept Jesus, we are to love like He does. See the world thru His eyes. Every day He works on me to be a better person. Forgiveness is the key. Showing grace and mercy even when we don’t want to. Being willing to admit that being right all the time isn’t’ worth it, if it hurts the people you love the most.

James 3:5-9New International Version (NIV)

5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.

All of us must remember that our words can build up or tear down. Be kind. Think before you speak. Love wholeheartedly. Trust in the Lord and follow his lead!

Blessings to you and yours!#HopeAlways#HaveFaith

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