words

Carlene Wooddell

Before & After

bEFORE AND aFTER

 

I’ve read that when people grieve they can break it down into two times. Before and After. Before the loss and after the loss. I know this is true. I also know that this just doesn’t apply to the loss of a loved one. It’s also the loss of a function.

Before sepsis, my memory was rock solid. Retaining anything was easy. Sometime’s I had to write it down, but once I had spoken it, read it or wrote it, it was easy to remember. After sepsis, I am finding that the only short term memory I have is in the moment. The moment it is being read, written down or spoken. THIS frustrates me so much, I don’t even know the proper way to express it as to how much it does.  I need notes to remind me that I know something and even then the notes aren’t always helpful.  Memory has never been something I have had trouble with and now anything that happened before sepsis is easily pulled from my memory and easily shared. After the illness and hospital stay, everything spoken or read becomes lost. And it’s scary.

As I sit and read The Word, I am glad that I knew God, Jesus and His Word before sepsis, otherwise, I might read something but have no way of retaining it or understanding it.

In His Word, it tells us to be thankful in all circumstances, with prayer and petition.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.-1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT

I wouldn’t wish this life-changing sepsis (aka septic shock/septicemia) on anyone. It is dangerously devastating to your body, mind and can be fatal if not caught in time. However, going through this almost fatal health scare( had I not went to the hospital at the time I did, I would have died)  has taught me to take care of my needs and myself: physically, mentally and most of all spiritually. To be thankful and content in and at all times. To be grateful and have a heart of gratitude for what I do have, for the millions of blessings God bestows upon me daily and for the many times he has kept me from harm.

Many things have changed in me and for me since before and after sepsis, but I am glad to still be here, very much alive, working on progressing to wellness again and thankful I can still share about Jesus and the love he has for all of us.

There are many things we go through and the one thing I have learned through all the painful pruning the Lord does with me is everything is for a purpose and a plan. His purpose and His plans. He continues to work in and through me, and in and through my pastors, friends and family members to teach and rebuke me when needed, to encourage me and strengthen me when I am weak and to continually pour out His peace and His joy and His love into me and my life.

Refining and purifying is a painful process. But in order for you and me to bear good fruit to share with others, we have to go through these processes and weed out what is not from Him. As you grow in your faith, there will be many things you will go through and each one will shape you into the person God has created you to be. I am working on not being resistant to the process. Some moments are more painful than others, but all are necessary.

May you know how much Jesus loves you~right now and always. Jesus Christ is my everything and that is one thing that has not changed. He was my everything before sepsis and He is my everything after sepsis. Having sepsis and recovering from it, has made me realize how much I rely on Jesus and how difficult it would be for me to make it through the rough days without it. I am so thankful I have my Savior, Jesus Christ with me daily.

Blessings~Carlene

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Carlene Wooddell

Darkness

In a moment of intense hurt, heated words and threats were voiced. Witnessing physical  violence between people you love isn’t something any one ever wants to see.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10 NIV
Darkness is looming here. Apology was not accepted as I hoped.

As I process all that has happened, I fervently pray God will help me through it all.

I am a Christian. I am not perfect. I am definitely capable of screwing up and making mistakes.

But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.
2 Thessalonians 3:3 NIV

My heart is broken and shattered. Jesus will help me. I know that to be true.

May you know how much Jesus loves you. He can turn any mess into a message, any test into a testimony.

#HOPEALWAYSHAVEFAITH

Blessings~Carlene

 

 

Carlene Wooddell

Words Have Power~Use Them Wisely

Personal growth

When you do something for the first time, no matter what it is and you have success, how does it make you feel? On top of the world? Excited? Fuel your passion? But what happens if you try something you have never done and you don’t succeed like you thought you would. What happens? Do you try again or accept defeat? Do you give up and say defeating things to yourself? Things like, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m a failure,” “I can’t do this,” “What was I thinking?”.

Listen up people, our words have such power and sometime’s we don’t even realize that we speak them over ourselves or others. We speak and don’t stop to think about the impact our words can have. We don’t even have to speak it, we can just think defeating, negative thoughts, and they too can have power, if you let them.

As many schools across the nation gear up for students coming back, flooding the hallways and classrooms with chatter, backpacks, books and forming new memories, I encourage you to speak life into others and over yourself, too.

It is so easy to get caught up in what the world thinks about you. Your looks, your attitude, the clothes you wear, the books you read, the exercise regime you have or don’t have. There are so many times that all it takes is for one person, whose self-esteem is so low that one comment, not even made directly to them, can have such an impact on how they view themselves and if they are good enough. Good enough to get a raise or a promotion, good enough to be chosen for that one sports team they really want to be a part of, good enough to have friends and not feel so alone and isolated.  And we are all guilty of saying things, without meaning to hurt anyone, that our words and actions do. At least I am guilty of that.

I remember when my children, were school age and struggling with math, I made the mistake of sharing with them how hard math was for me, how much I struggled and how much I disliked the subject. I didn’t learn algebra or geometry because it wasn’t a requirement for me to graduate high school. That statement has haunted me for years because I indirectly influenced how and what they thought about math and numbers and equations and learning about it. They began to believe that if it was difficult for me, it was difficult for them. However, I didn’t realize how much that one statement affected them until they needed to buckle down and become proficient in those areas so they could graduate high school several years ago.  Only when my daughter referred back to my statement of how hard it was for me, did I realize that I had negatively impacted her learning. Boy did I feel horrible.

I’ve been reading a book by Psychologist Shad Helmstetter, What You Say When You Talk to Yourself and it has been eye opening how much we can make statements and not even realize that we begin to believe what we have said and those lies become beliefs.

In the Word of God, God even warns us to take our thoughts captive and to not speak or think things that are of the world and not of Him.

Proverbs 4:23Good News Translation (GNT)

23 Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.

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Proverbs 4:13Good News Translation (GNT)

13 Always remember what you have learned. Your education is your life—guard it well.

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Proverbs 18:21New King James Version (NKJV)

21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.

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Our words have power. We can destroy people with thoughtless statements, or we can choose to think before we speak and we can build others up. We can encourage one another and believe in people and instill belief in others.  A tiny spark can set a forest ablaze.  A positive statement can have a ripple effect and change the world!

I am reminded of something my mother used to say to me, “do unto others as you would have them do to you”. In other words, be kind, think before you speak. Remember this acronym to help you:

 

May you know that you are Worthy, You are Loved, You are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made and may you know how much Jesus Loves You!

Blessings to all~Carlene

 

 

Carlene Wooddell

Ademoneo

Ademoneo, Greek Transliterated word  New Testament Greek Lexicon

pronunciation: ad-ay-mon-eh’-o

Definition: To be troubled, great distress or anguish, depressed.

There are three instances that this word has been used in the New Testament You can find those instances in Matthew 26:37/Mark 14:33/Philippians 2:26

depressed

I have lived with depression for years. But not my depression. Until recently, I didn’t have this problem, personally. But I have lived with the disorder for many years because I love people who live and suffer from clinical depression. Depression that from what I know and have seen, they battle daily to keep their lives going on an even keel.  Depression, if left to run its course ends up ruining many things in their lives; including them.

This depression wasn’t just because something happened that made them sad or downtrodden, but a melancholy that settled in their soul and no amount of encouragement or laughter could bring about change. Sometimes medications help, sometimes they didn’t. People suggest that you see a psychiatrist or psychologist and talk out the reasons that have led to your depression and they can teach you ways to cope with it and live with it.

What I have found, though, is that it isn’t just one thing that causes it and what works great for one person suffering, doesn’t even begin to work for someone else with the same diagnosis. The mind is like a minefield. What might set one person off, another person it wouldn’t even faze.

This depression that I have been feeling lately, has been coming on for months. I have fought long and hard to keep it at bay. I have done my best to dive into the Word and pray to the Father seeking His guidance. I have started Bible Journaling as a way to express myself, while still reflecting on scripture and God’s promises to never leave us or forsake us. I know I am one of the luckiest people in the world because I have the spirit of God living within me. The Holy Spirit. And he guides me and convicts me when I stray from the teachings of Jesus. I have always been able to show mercy and grace under pressure and continue to live in a joyful state of existence with God’s joy in my heart. It’s not always happy times or moments, but I’ve always had God’s joy there and His peace that only he can give.

Lately, I’ve been pondering how do I get back to where I was or maybe I should be asking where are you leading me Lord and how much longer will I be in this dark valley?

I am a people person. I always have been. I never meet a stranger, ever. I love to talk and read and learn. I love to be an encourager to others and help people. I do have a caregiver mentality. The only problem with having that mentality, is sometimes I forget to care for myself.

Zechariah 13:9New Living Translation (NLT)

9 I will bring that group through the fire
and make them pure.
I will refine them like silver
and purify them like gold.
They will call on my name,
and I will answer them.
I will say, ‘These are my people,’
and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’”

I know that God allows us to go through painful circumstances when necessary to refine us for what His purpose is for our lives. I know that in those moments, I need to lean into him and pursue Him for my needs. He will supply them all.

Before I retired early, even though I was in great physical pain, I was around others and now I am around the same people daily. Please don’t get me wrong, I am very blessed to have my family, but honestly spending every waking minute together is maddening when you are a person that seeks to be around people and not feeling isolated all the time. Unfortunately, with the loss of income (over 50%), the itinerary for the week changes to accommodate budget needs.  And many other changes occur because we can’t eat out as much as we would want or buy things on a whim because the funds aren’t available. And event though the physical pain isn’t as strong as it was when you were working full-time, it’s still present. The difference is now you can sit and rest when you need to. That’s really the only difference.

When I worked 40 hours a week outside of the home, I still had obligations here that had to be taken care of and everything came together, one way or another. Now I feel isolated, lonely. I feel like all I am to people is someone who cooks and cleans and does laundry and keeps a two-year-old occupied all day.  I love being a grandmother. But I don’t want to be the grandmother that can’t have fun with her grandchild and then take a break. I will if that’s what it takes. But I miss being able to do fun things for me. With my friends.

I miss being able to splurge and go to a fast food restaurant and grab a sandwich because I don’t feel like making a lunchmeat sandwich at home. I miss working and earning an income.

So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.
James 4:10 MSG

And the worst part is every little critique that anyone has for me, I take offense to. Even if they are correct. I have always been a firm believer that constructive criticism is good. Lately, I haven’t felt any of the criticism I have received is constructive. I take things too personally and inwardly, I cry. I think of all kinds of ways I could respond, but I know that is not what Jesus would want me to do because as soon as I allow those thoughts to flash across my mind, I am convicted in my spirit, that is not who I am.

I get depressed because I can’t even go to the store by myself. Even though I am a people person and anyone that knows me would agree; sometimes I just want to be alone. I know this is healthy thinking. I just can’t convince anyone else of that without hurting their feelings and that’s the last thing I want to do.

I used to read 3-4 books a month and now I am lucky if I read 3-4 books in 6 months. I miss reading. When I read, I can visualize the story in my mind and I can escape my life for a few hours and just dive into the story. Page turners I can read within a day or two. Now my books are on shelves, gathering dust because I don’t have time to do that anymore.

My depression is in part my fault as I have never been good at setting boundaries and keeping them. I know that until I learn to stick to my boundaries and keep them in place, I will continue to be walked on and I will continue to resent certain people. That is not healthy and I have no desire to walk that road.

The depression I have observed in the last 20 years has caused true medical ailments because the festering of problems being pushed down farther and farther until there is nowhere to push them and they come out in ways that create havoc on the body. I’ve seen it. I know it’s real. It causes underlying medical problems such as hypertension, heart problems, stomach problems. and probably too many to mention here. If your depression is truly bad, and you do not have coping skills in place for when you start to spiral out of control, I’ve seen it come out in waves of sadness and anger. And even though many things said in the throes of an argument or disagreement that are spiteful and hurtful aren’t meant; once you’ve said them you can’t take them back. Words hurt.

Proverbs 12:18New Living Translation (NLT)

18 Some people make cutting remarks,
but the words of the wise bring healing.

I know that I must talk about it. I must talk to anyone that will listen that you can’t hold everything in and at some point not explode or just give up. We all need one another. We all have problems. We need to start loving each other not for what we have or don’t have, but simply because loving one another is so much better than the effort it takes to be hurtful to one another. And because that is what we are called to do.

Matthew 22:37-40 New Living Translation (NLT)

37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[e] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[f] 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

Heavenly Father,

Help me to see that I am not alone. Help me to realize that you are with me, always. Help me to reach out to others and lean on others. Lord help me to grow in the ways you want and need me to grow and keep me on the correct path for my life. In Jesus’ name. Amen

Blessings to you; may you always know Jesus Loves You.

Jesus Can Turn any Mess into a Message of Hope

#HopeAlways#HaveFaith

Carlene Wooddell

Life

heartguard

Each time that I am faced with a dilemma of sorts, I am reminded that each reaction I have or how I respond comes directly from my heart. Is my heart full of grace, mercy and love or hate, anger and resentment?

I was discussing with some friends a few weeks ago, that our Spiritual Heart functions much like our physical hearts. If our Spiritual Heart isn’t guarded and taken care of, it can become diseased much like our physical hearts. I believe that is why there is much importance placed on our hearts as it being the wellspring of life.

If our physical heart becomes damaged and/or diseased, it may “misfire” and or stop functioning and keep us alive. I believe that if our spiritual heart becomes damaged or diseased, we may go down a darkened road we had not planned, thus causing death in our spiritual life.

God wires each of our hearts differently, but there is one thing we all can share and experience together. Love.

If the love banks in our hearts become empty, what do you think happens to us? If we are not filled daily with the food that fuels our hearts, how will we guard our hearts and pour into one another? For me, my love bank is filled when people spend quality time with me when they give me a hug or a good foot massage. Caring for others, encouraging them; sharing Jesus-all of these fill my love bank.

We must guard our hearts, so they do not become bitter. If we allow bitter root to take hold and resentment to dwell there – our hearts become hardened and have no room for compassion and kindness. Our hearts were not designed to hate, but to love.

Every word that is said in anger, can never be forgotten or returned from whence it came. Every hurtful, hateful lie that comes from our lips cause pain and grief and sadness. Evil causes evil. Good never causes evil. We must watch our tongues and use the words wisely. Healing can come from the tongue, but so can devastation.

treeoflife

Imagine if all you hear on a constant basis, are hurtful words that crush your spirit. Do you rise above these words or do you embody them? And if you have been emotionally abused by words, do they not affect your heart and how you perceive yourself to be?

Living in a world where words are thrown around like daggers we must guard our hearts and minds. We must take care when speaking. We must speak life into others. We must remember that no matter what we face or how large the storm seems, we serve a God that is bigger than anything we will ever face! In the Word, we are told not to fear, because God goes before us and prepares a way. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy, but Jesus came so we could have life and have it abundantly. Having a life that is overflowing with abundance means we must guard our hearts, we must watch what we speak and we must trust in the Lord for everything. And most importantly, we must thank the One who gives it freely.

Lord Jesus,

Thank you for the many blessings you have given to us. Thank you, Father, for the gift of your Son on the cross. Thank you for always showing grace and mercy, even when we do not deserve such a gift. Thank you, Jesus, for being the Light in our darkness and for never leaving us or forsaking us. In Jesus name. Amen

 

Jesus Loves you! Blessings to you today!

~Carlene