Moving Forward

Revelation 21:4 
‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

I look forward to the day when Jesus returns as He promises in His Word. I eagerly anticipate when there will be no more pain, no more tears of sorrow and mourning will be ended once and for all. 

Earlier this week, a dark cloud appeared in our lives and reminded us that life is but a fleeting moment here on earth. That just as there is a time for being born, there is also a time to die. It was with great sadness, my father-in-law drew his last breath. While we know, he is in Heaven with The Father, it does not make it any easier for the family members that are left behind. While we can rejoice in knowing, we will see him again, the ache that hangs onto your heart and the tears that are near the surface of spilling out, that is a sorrow that will take years to get over. 

When I was younger, I always heard that”time heals all wounds”.  I know, now as an adult, that it isn’t the case, exactly. I know that one of the reasons grief is so hard and messy is that when you grieve the loss of someone that you love and care deeply for, there is no time frame for when that grief stops. I lost my own father three years ago and he is always on my mind. I know that when it was time for him to leave our presence and go to the presence of Jesus, he no longer suffered or struggled with his pain and labored breathing, and in that essence, he was in a much better place.  And I also know that no amount of preparing yourself for the inevitability of a loved one’s time is drawing near, cannot prepare your heart for the sorrow it holds when their time has come. 

Each and every person deals and handles grief differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  Today, as I surveyed the space within the room where a time of hugs, laughter, and tears were erupting, I realized how short life is. Every person on this earth touches the hearts of others, in many ways.  Some experiences are pure joy, while others are hard lessons to learn and some are sad. I have learned that no matter how much time you have to live your life, living it to the fullest means not leaving this earth with regrets. Or living in the “I wish I had done________” or “What if?”.

Cherish your family, make amends if needed, love deeply. At the end that is all that matters. Loving each other for the time we are given on this earth. Regrets don’t have to be if we choose to live in the abundance of love. Forgive others, hold dear the memories and treasures of the time you have with those that make up your tribe. Be thankful and grateful that you were blessed to be part of their life. Don’t be afraid to speak their name or share a memory or story of why they were so special in your life. 

I have found, in my experience with loss, as you share what you loved about the person you’ve lost, not only does that piece of your heart that feels like it will never be the same again, start to fill with love because you had them in your life, the sorrow does become easier to live with. It’s always there, but in order to continue living your life, some days you have to tuck it away in a special place in your soul and some days you allow it to run freely because you just need to do that. That’s okay.  Every one of us grieves and processes things differently.

Saying goodbye is never easy. Tomorrow we will say our final farewell to a man that meant so much to so many. And I will cherish all the memories that we shared over the past 24 years. I will share those moments with our children and grandchildren so our family history will continue with each generation. 

We love you, dad. We will miss you. We are happy that you are home with mom now and we look forward to when we will see you again. Thanks for being a part of our lives. 

Dad & Mom Wooddell

In loving memory of Donald K. “Woody” Wooddell. First breath taken on 10/26/31 and last breath drawn on 11/12/18.

May you know how much Jesus loves you~right now~in this moment. Jesus can turn any mess into a message and any test into a testimony. #HopeAlwaysHave Faith

Blessings until next time~Carlene

Advertisements

Living with an Invisible Illness

Psalm 28:7 New International Version (NIV)
7 The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
and with my song I praise him.

 

I am so thankful Jesus is with me daily. His Holy Spirit resides within me. He keeps me focused when the pain is too much. When the bed seems like the best place to spend my days, he reminds me that whilst I can spend an unlimited amount of time with Him lying in my bed, it’s more difficult to share His love for others from that position.

A little over a year ago, I was in a different place, physically. I was feeling pretty good, my fibromyalgia was held at bay with amazing supplements I was using to heal my body from the inside out.  I truly had forgotten, although I can’t imagine how I could ever forget, the all-encompassing pain that runs through your body when you live with Fibromyalgia. I was walking and moving a lot faster than a snail’s crawl which is how I feel now. It was my hope back then when the pain wasn’t as noticeable, fatigue was held at bay and I felt like a normal person, that I would never endure this painful condition again. I wasn’t afraid to go places and try new things for fear of a flare-up and intense pain that might last for days and weeks.

fibro3

I’ve thought long and hard about posting any of this because I truly believed I didn’t have to deal with it anymore. It was a thing of the past. Unfortunately, I know in my mind, as well as my body, that if I am not consistent in using the supplements, eventually my body would go back to what it was and the supplements alone were not enough for the change to take place. I was eating healthier and getting some exercise. As much as I knew this was inevitable, I had hoped and prayed the muscle aches, the pain, the fatigue/insomnia would not come back. Instead of having the sheer exhausted feeling of fatigue, now I am plagued with insomnia. It’s crazy!

But, I push through. I will not quit or give up. That’s not me. I’m not wired that way. Thank you, Lord, that I am not. Thank you Lord Jesus for giving me the strength and determination I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how difficult or slow I may be. And watching people much older than me zoom by me in the grocery store or in a parking lot, makes me realize how slow I am moving. However, I AM moving. So very thankful that is the case and I am not in need of a wheelchair.

And because I guess my hand/wrist felt left out of the pain equation, the carpal tunnel is back with a vengeance. I’m back to using a night splint and sometime’s using the night splint during the daytime so I can function again. I never did learn how to use my non-dominant hand to write with. I wonder if that is even possible at my age? OR if I am too set in my ways to take the time to learn?

My internal temperature gauge is stuck in cold mode. I am rarely warm, no matter how many layers of clothing I wear. This totally sucks. I tried to think of a better way to say it that didn’t sound rude or unbecoming, but it sucks. Plain and simple. That’s why I always try to get my hubby to drive everywhere; his vehicle has heated seats.

I guess the hardest part of living with Fibromyalgia is you never know from one day to the next how you are going to feel. Knock wood, the osteoarthritis in my knees and hips are manageable at this time. The degenerative disc disease in my lumbar spine is worse. And the spill I had a few weeks ago, trying not to fall mind you, hasn’t helped.

Because of respiratory problems I live with, I cannot take pain medications to help with my pain. This causes problems with my breathing. Slows it down too much. So I rely on Jesus to carry me through the pain. I spend a lot of time sitting, with my legs propped up as much as possible and I long for the times when I was able to be an active participant in the lives of my family and grandchildren. I have four amazing grandchildren, one lives with us and I am blessed to see him grow and bloom before my eyes. The other three are several years older, involved in extracurricular activities and I haven’t been able to attend any of their outdoor events this year.  It makes me very sad. I love them so much and as much as I know they try to understand, I feel as if I am cheating them somehow and I HATE this part of this disorder/disease.

The other three have known for years that I can’t run and play with them the way their grandfather does. But I have always been able to go before. Now the cool weather is just too much for my body to handle. But I am so very proud of them for everything they do and someday when they are much older, I hope they will know without a doubt that if I could I would have been to every single thing they were involved in.

I push myself many days to get up and get dressed. Put on my “happy” face and “fake” it. I know living with me when I am in pain, is not a walk in the park. I become irritable and grumpy and short with others. I do my best not to let this side of me come out from behind closed doors, but it is so difficult because some days just getting dressed wears me out. The thought of running to the store to grab a few things is exhausting just thinking about it. It’s great if the store you go to has electric carts for customer use, that actually work and will last for the entire time you are in the store, but many are used so much they never have a chance to fully charge and the only thing worse than not having them available is using them to shop and the battery dying in the middle of your  shopping trip and then it’s like being stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere. Now you have a full basket of goods, but no cart in sight to transfer them to.

The single most agonizing part of the widespread pain returning is the muscle spasms that come, out of nowhere. I turned my head earlier to look at something, not quickly, but as I turned my head, a sharp muscle pain and I just had to wait for it to pass. And I get these spasms throughout the day, everywhere. Many you cannot just walk out. Most of the time you just have to wait until your muscles relax. It may be myofascial pain. I’ve been reading about it. This is something I will have to ask my physician the next time I see her.

I have many friends that live with Fibromyalgia and as much as we can be there to support one another, all of us live with it and have varying symptoms to varying degrees. Many of my fibro friends, can’t stand the hot weather or warm temperatures, drains them and all their energy. For me, I am completely the opposite. I love the heat. The hotter the better. Cold weather sucks the life right out of me. There isn’t a coat or blanket warm enough to keep me comfortable. And of course, I live in a state that is known for unpredictable weather.  One day it’s 80, the next it’s 40. It’s no wonder I feel so cold, right?

2 Corinthians 1:3-5   New International Version (NIV)

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.

I am thankful that I have Fibromyalgia because then I know how to extend comfort to those who deal with it too. I know that God allows us to go through many things in life as a way to be a testimony to others that put their hope in Him. I can still be a light to others by encouraging them, no matter the type of physical pain they experience because our earthly bodies are temporary. This is not our home. We are citizens of Heaven. But I also know that He does not expect us to suffer alone in silence. We are all made for relationship. Relationship with friends and family. All of us have a need to be part of a community, that is loving and supportive. And while all of us can be less than loving and supportive at times in our lives, that is where grace comes in. God gives us grace because He loves us, not because of anything we can do to deserve it. We all fall short in that area. All of us.

Be kind to others. Love them. No one, except for Jesus, knows the internal struggles and battles each and every one of us faces daily. And for each of us, no matter the battles, they can be debilitating if we forget to lean on The One who gives us life. The most important relationship you will ever have in this life is the one you have with Jesus. In my opinion.

Psalm 100:5 New International Version (NIV)
5 For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

May you know how much Jesus Loves You~right now~here in this moment and always! Jesus can turn any mess into a message and any test into a testimony! #HopeAlwaysHaveFaith

Blessings friends~Carlene

 

 

My Catherine the Great

Proverbs 31:11-31 English Standard Version (ESV)
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself[a] with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.[b]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates

She is beautiful inside and out.

She is loving and caring.

She is kind and compassionate.

She is fiercely protective of those she loves and cares about.

She is full of passion for what she believes in and always stands up for her beliefs.

She is strong and does not easily back down.

She is determined and does not quit, that is not an option and she will find her way around any obstacle in her path.

She is an artist with a flair for repurposing items that people see no value in. She brings old things back to life.

She is a great listener and works toward a solution, rather than complain about a problem.

She is an amazing mom of three college graduates who are changing the world around them.

She is a wife, a mom,  an aunt, a sister, and a daughter.

She is an emergency 911 dispatcher who works more hours than should be humanly possible. The first voice you might hear, full of calm and reserve as she manages 500 things at once.

She is a former school bus driver that loved her riders as if they were her own children.

She is an animal lover and considers them family, not just pets.

She never has enough time to take care of herself, she is always caring for others and burning the candle at both ends.

She is wise beyond her years and has seen many things most people will never have to see.

She is faithful and will celebrate 29 years of marriage this month to her loving husband.

She was a cheerleading mom and advisor when her daughter was school age.

She loves her community and has a great tribe that she holds dear and close to her heart.

But one of the best things she is…..she is my sister. And I love her with all my heart and soul. Today is her birthday. I don’t see her as often as I would like, but I hope she knows how very proud I am of her, her accomplishments, which are too many to mention. I know she is always a phone call away. Our family is very blessed indeed!

Cathy

Catherine, I love you sis and I pray that today your birthday will be all you hope for and more! You deserve it! Much love~Carlene

 

May you know how much Jesus Loves You-right in this moment-right where you are! Jesus can turn any mess into a message of hope. #HopeAlwaysHaveFaith

Blessings to all!

 

 

 

 

Remembering Daddy

My father went home to the Lord on September 18, 2015. It seems like only yesterday that I heard the words, he’s gone. I miss him every single day and think about him all the time. Wishing I could pick up the phone or turn on my Skype and talk to him. But I have to say that out of all the holidays, Father’s Day is one of the most difficult. Our family is in several states and getting together for any holiday is difficult, so missing him at Christmastime, isn’t the same as missing him on a day set aside to honor him.

 

Constantly being reminded by marketing ads that Father’s Day is near and seeing all types of retail products to entice people to purchase gifts for their dads have made it even more difficult this year.  I have a hole in my heart, that will always be there.  As  my father’s life on earth was ending, he was ready. He knew he was going home to Jesus and he was at peace about it. And our entire family misses him something awful, but we too have peace in our hearts, it’s grief that comes at you from nowhere and knocks you down. There is no timeline for grief. I think the reason it hurts our hearts so much is that when you love someone so much, it’s hard to redirect that love when the person is no longer with you.

I had the privilege of having my father for 50 years. He was my superhero. He didn’t need a cape. He was a man of integrity, put others needs always above his own and he was always ready to help anyone in need, even if that meant the last dollar in his pocket or, literally, the shirt off of his back. His rules were simple. Lead by example. Honor and respect your elders. Be kind. Always be honest. Love unconditionally. Do as your told. No backtalk. Pick up after yourself, do your chores. He wasn’t a complicated person, although from time to time he did make things complicated because it seemed like he always had to have the last word.

I think of the many ways that my father and I are alike and there is no doubt I am his daughter. I pray daily that I honor him in how I live and in how I not only value honesty but will not tolerate people being dishonest. I have no room for it and dislike when I hear people say “it’s just a little white lie”… A lie is just that. Big or small, doesn’t matter.

Daddy & Tyson
Daddy and Tyson

He taught me about Jesus. He modeled a life of service to others. He taught me its ok to laugh and cry at life. Life isn’t fair, you do your best with what you have and you thank God for those blessings. He taught me parenting isn’t easy and you can’t be your child’s friend and parent all at the same time. He taught me that bias and prejudice create hate; love all. Let God deal with avenging.

He has always had my heart, loved me even when I wasn’t very loving and forgave much. We shared a special love of being there and helping others. That’s why its so sad that I have very few pictures of him and me together. I was usually behind the lens.

He lived his life his way and on his terms and he went out the same way.

Daddy, I miss you and love you so much, but  I know I will see you again.

Happy Fathers Day to all fathers!

 

But among you, it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Matthew 20:26‭-‬28 NLT

May you know how much Jesus loves you-right where you are in this moment! #HopeAlwayaHaveFaith

Blessings~Carlene

 

 

Blessed to be a Mom

Proverbs 6:20-23 The Message (MSG)

20-23 Good friend, follow your father’s good advice;
don’t wander off from your mother’s teachings.
Wrap yourself in them from head to foot;
wear them like a scarf around your neck.
Wherever you walk, they’ll guide you;
whenever you rest, they’ll guard you;
when you wake up, they’ll tell you what’s next.
For sound advice is a beacon,
good teaching is a light,
moral discipline is a life path.

 

Motherhood does not come with a manual, but a plethora of advice from those who have been in the trenches of raising children.  Some advice is not only helpful but lifesaving in moments of chaos and distress. Much of the advice is not helpful because it applies to certain children with special circumstances.  The best advice I ever received was when your child is happy or sad, mad or hurting, love them. Don’t be afraid that rocking them to sleep will spoil them. Children cannot begin to understand what love is if they don’t see it in their own lives. They can learn, but oh to be able to experience it first hand is so much better than being taught what love looks like.

23132058_10212046988182249_7762149346182701881_n
This beautiful woman is my mother.

My children, who are adults now, used to exasperate me when it came to school projects. I am sure many reading this can relate. They are given an assignment, in which a visual presentation must take place, along with a report or speech. Many times this counts for a large portion of their grade. Educators know that in order for them to complete these projects, they are given ample time to accomplish them. Several weeks time, usually. However, my children would always wait until the very last-minute to spring these projects on me ~ usually one to two days before they were due!  And as they feverishly rushed to finish them, I would comment on how lucky they were to live in this day and age.

“Google” in my day meant making a trip to the library, searching the card catalog for reference materials and books to read and research. We didn’t have the luxury of the internet or typewriters/word processors that had self correction included. If we made a mistake, we had to start over. Long before “white out” was invented or “correction tape” was available. And many times you could tell by the details, the projects were rushed. Long nights of gluing and pasting pictures cut out of magazines or printed materials, with the hopes they would pass their class. Loving them also meant that if they didn’t complete it to the teacher’s satisfaction, it was on them. Learning to realize that there was a solution always in front of them, using their time wisely and not waiting.

It would have been easy for me to do their homework, but they wouldn’t have learned anything by doing that. Life is full of lessons.  Working on school projects and homework helps to prepare them for the real world with a real job and performing many tasks that may seem mundane, but so important.

I wish I would have taught them about why a budget is so very important. If they had money to spend, as a child, the thought of saving it was lost on them until they saw something they wanted and didn’t have the funds to get it and I was a “mean” mom. If they didn’t need it, chances are they weren’t getting it without working for it. I believe it’s important for children to understand that not everything in life is free. Earning funds to pay for something teaches the value of hard work and feeling accomplished in by the success of reaching a goal. Goals are important in life. Creating plans on how to accomplish goals takes perseverance and a willingness to “get it done” attitude. Lofty goals can be accomplished, but you have to be willing to put the work in to get to where you want to be. And there is nothing that can stop you, except the limits you place on yourself.  There is still a sign, hanging in our home that reads “Just because something is difficult, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try, it means you should just try harder.”  I firmly believe that. I also believe that “giving up is not an option”. Something my parents taught me from a young age.

Mother's Poem

I have tried my best to model love and kindness to my children. To show them that even though they may not have everything they want, they have everything they need. To teach them that they need to exhibit kindness to others and stand up for the downtrodden. Be a friend, offer a hand up, listen, don’t judge someone by their appearance or circumstance. Be thankful for all you have. And if you want more than you have, do what you need to do to make it a reality.

I never had to wonder if my mom loved me. I was lucky. I am still blessed. I made many choices my mother did not agree with and I know many times she was disappointed, but never once did I have to wonder if she loved me. Never. I pray that my children will always be able to say that with confidence and mean it.

I am not blind to the fact that there are many people in this world that did not have a mother that loved unconditionally or even cared what was happening in their lives. And that breaks my heart. My response to those who haven’t had a  life where they had a mom or had a mother that loved them in spite of their faults, remember this no matter the type of parent she was-she loved you enough to give you life. And I imagine that may seem a cliché thing to say, but it is a fact. If you are reading this, then at some point, a woman decided you were worth it. Even if you were given up at birth, you were worth the love of being allowed to be born. Jesus will always love you, even when you feel unworthy of love.

I also think of the women that don’t have children, the ones that would give anything to have a child, to hear the words “I love you mommy.” And, I don’t know why God allows some women to have children that aren’t wanted and those who want them, for whatever reason, can’t conceive. But know this, there are many motherless children in the world that need your love. If you have a deep need to be a mom, and can’t do it naturally, please look into adopting or fostering a child. God will always make a way.

If you have played a role in a child’s life, through mentoring, teaching and making them feel special, regardless if you are their mom or not, you have shown love.

It is my prayer that if you are mother that you have a very blessed Mother’s Day this weekend. If you have lost a child, please accept my condolences. I too have a child in Heaven and I think about her every single day. One day we will be reunited.

May you know how much Jesus Loves You~every single moment of every day!

#HopeAlwaysHaveFaith

Blessings~Carlene

 

 

 

 

Easter

I posted this on my Facebook page earlier, but wanted to share these thoughts with all of you.

Praying everyone will have a Blessed Easter weekend. After spending the middle of the night hours in the emergency department with Tyson for breathing treatments that couldn’t wait and very little sleep, it made me think how weary Jesus must have been today, knowing that on Friday he would take the weight of the world’s sins upon His shoulders for us. For me and you to be reconciled with The Father.

ca394f15e74c512747a096cfc464e9f7

The story of Easter isn’t about Bunny Rabbits and candy and egg hunts, but about a loving God that doesn’t want any of his children to perish and I know he’s okay with Easter Egg hunts because He loves to see joy in the hearts of His beloved and for practical ways for the church, again you and me, if you are a believer to love one another and share the love He gives everyday.

Maybe, I’ll see you at the Egg Hunt or in the church building or at the grocery store, but know this one thing, Jesus Loves You very much!

However you and your loved ones choose to celebrate or observe this holiday weekend,may you know Jesus Loves You So very much!

#HopeAlwaysHaveFaith

Blessings!

 

 

Belated Wishes

FB_IMG_1518019741511

I pray that however you chose to celebrate Valentine’s Day, it was filled with joy, love, laughter and great moments that you will have for memories.

I spent mine fighting off flu symptoms and recovering from a fall, so hence this post is a day later than I hoped.

Jesus loves you ~right where you are in this moment.

Blessings~ Carlene and Ty

received_10212147543656073