Raging Storm

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I love our grandson Tyson. I will do anything for him. Today, I did a whole lot more praying over him and crying out to my Lord, Jesus Christ seeking guidance and peace.

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16‭-‬18 NLT

I am worn out. We all are. One minute the day is going well and the next we are trying to figure out what sets him off into a crying, screaming, angry little guy. These meltdowns use to be sporadic, now they’re daily, off and on all day until he falls off into dreamland. Whatever is triggering these meltdowns is also affecting his speech therapy at school and in the outpatient setting. Maybe he’s tired of going all the time and just needs a break; we really have no idea.

The few times I’ve seen him focus on anything here at home lasts only for 5-10 minutes. He has combined type ADHD. Not only is he very hyperactive, he also struggles with focusing on tasks and is very impulsive. His Developmental Pediatrician says it could be attributed to being autistic while also dealing with adhd and seeking sensory input or wanting to avoid sensory overload. While we are trying medication to help in those areas, we are also waiting to start ABA services.

I wonder when these raging times happen if he’s in pain we don’t know about or he believes we know why and wonders why we aren’t helping him.

We have had one day this month where we saw a glimpse of our happy loving child. In our eyes nothing was different than any other day, but for him it was. He laughed and played and not one angry outburst or meltdown. I actually marked that on my calendar; as a reminder he did have a good day. Something to hold onto. Hope if you will.

My heart breaks for him. To live a life where he can’t express the noise within except by lashing out. He kicks, body slams into walls and doors, hits, bites, pulls our hair, throws toys, cups, plates full of food. I fear he is regressing in some way and I don’t know how to stop it.

Being 4, he is very inquisitive and like most children, special needs or not, he still investigates tools and their uses, tries to help fix things he thinks needs fixing or breaking something so he can fix it. And in his mind if something breaks, we can just go to the store and buy another.

Up until this behavior became an everyday thing, I would hear from other parents of the struggles they were going through and thank God we weren’t. Now I understand the sheer exhaustion of it all.

His baby sister will be arriving in a couple of months and as much as I don’t like to worry, because it only causes more unnecessary stress, I wonder what our life will be like then.

I know God is in control. I know He has great plans for Tyson. My prayer is that we will figure out how to help him in regulating his moods so we can live in our home without tears daily. For all of us.

As I sit here and gaze upon this sleeping child, there is a sense of peace that I haven’t seen across his face for a very long time.

I don’t know what our future holds, but I know The One who holds our future.

Father God, Help us help him. Help us be the light in the darkness of these storms. Strengthen us and pour out your peace upon us all. In Jesus Mighty name. Amen

May you know how much Jesus Loves You…right here…right now.

Jesus can turn any mess in our lives into a message and any test into a testimony. #HopeAlwaysHaveFaith

Blessings to all~Carlene

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Creating & Living the Life you Love

YAY! I’m sooo excited to partner with the iBloom Team to revolutionize the way women do business and live life!

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I came to know iBloom when I ordered their Life & Business Planner. I have always searched for Planners that would take the place of several. This planner makes me think about the woman I want to be and what are my goals short and long term. There is just so much covered in the planner, along with Scriptures and areas for being intentional in your actions an life! I love it and I am so excited to be on this journey with iBloom! They offer so many coaching and business resources for women. I have partnered with them and look forward to sharing the products they have available as well as Freebies that can help you have a simplified productive life.. As promotions become available, I will be posting on this site, as well as my Facebook page.

Please stay tuned! Many Blessings, Carlene
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Sowing Seeds

Sowing Seeds

For anything to grow and become a great harvesting, you must be willing to prepare the soil, plant the seeds, nourish them and love them..

As a  person that used to have beautiful flower beds before the art of bending my knees was a major task, I would always, prepare the soil-pulling weeds and rocks or any form of rubble and dig the holes or rows for the seeds to be planted, cover the seeds, keep them watered, fed and pruned as needed.

I am a child of God, so I understand the process. In order for us to grow and become like Christ Jesus, we needs seeds of kindness and love planted in our lives.  If the seeds are not nurtured, and cared for, we can become like weeds in the garden of life. We need to be nourished by the Word of God and pruned from time to time.

Anyone that is able to  read, can read the Bible. If you choose only to read it and use scripture taken out of context, you can end up hurting yourself or someone else in the process.  Jesus is the living water and He nourishes my soul. There are times though, that he needs to prune me because of my heart attitude~maybe it has become bitter about circumstances or the weeds (worries) of life take over and darkness or doubt creeps in and fear rises. Weeds can also be toxic people that are part of your life.

Have you ever had a friend, that you loved with all your heart? Someone you could never imagine cutting ties with, no matter what the circumstances were, but then something happened so out of the “norm” that you knew you had to make a choice. A loving choice.

That happened with me and one of my very best friends.  It was a hard decision to come to, I cried, I prayed. If it had not been for the Holy Spirit leading me to take the steps I did, I might have succumbed to the toxicity in her home. Her son had many problems with addictions and lived with her on and off.  She would never put him out, even if she knew that was the best for her, for her safety.  He was her only child. As a parent, I understood how hard it is to think of kicking your beloved to the curb and I  have only had to do it once for a few weeks, thank goodness. Tough love isn’t easy that’s why it’s called tough love. The toxicity in her abode hit you as soon as you entered through the door, the darkness loomed overhead and she was a light, the only light in that darkness, but it was unhealthy and would totally suck the life out of anyone for any length of time.  But, I loved her like a sister and it broke my heart to tell her I could no longer visit her in her home. We could meet somewhere for coffee or a meal, she was always welcome in our home, but I could no longer allow myself to be there.  I know this hurt her immensely. I would never ask her to choose her son or me, that’s not who I am, but I knew I couldn’t continue to be in that type of environment.

There were days I felt like I had failed her as a friend. She was alone much of the time and emotionally abused with guilt from her child. It wasn’t my place to judge. We would converse on the phone and share the Word with one another.  Her faith wavered and I stood strong. Sometimes, it takes being in a difficult situation and letting the Lord work through you and for you. She knew she was in a hard situation, but she also knew in her heart she couldn’t handle being separated from her son. I loved her and she loved me, but eventually the toxicity of her life was her demise.  I miss her. But I know she is happy because she is dancing in paradise with Jesus. She’s with her parents. I’ll see her again when it’s my time to go home.

My faith is strong. I choose to trust God in all circumstances. I am constantly be pruned and refined into the person God has chosen for me to be. He is the Potter. I am the clay. I make mistakes and sometimes my failures are overwhelming, but he always shows me grace. We must continue to not just read the Word, but apply it to our lives and be more like Christ. It has gotten a whole lot easier for me because I have friends that plant seeds of love and kindness into me daily. They see the world, in it’s fallen state and know without Jesus in our lives, it’s extremely difficult to grow.  It’s all about nurturing one another, rebuking when necessary and looking through the eyes of love.

May you have a bountiful harvest in your life. Jesus loves you!

Many blessings until next time,

Carlene