Moving Forward

Revelation 21:4 
‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

I look forward to the day when Jesus returns as He promises in His Word. I eagerly anticipate when there will be no more pain, no more tears of sorrow and mourning will be ended once and for all. 

Earlier this week, a dark cloud appeared in our lives and reminded us that life is but a fleeting moment here on earth. That just as there is a time for being born, there is also a time to die. It was with great sadness, my father-in-law drew his last breath. While we know, he is in Heaven with The Father, it does not make it any easier for the family members that are left behind. While we can rejoice in knowing, we will see him again, the ache that hangs onto your heart and the tears that are near the surface of spilling out, that is a sorrow that will take years to get over. 

When I was younger, I always heard that”time heals all wounds”.  I know, now as an adult, that it isn’t the case, exactly. I know that one of the reasons grief is so hard and messy is that when you grieve the loss of someone that you love and care deeply for, there is no time frame for when that grief stops. I lost my own father three years ago and he is always on my mind. I know that when it was time for him to leave our presence and go to the presence of Jesus, he no longer suffered or struggled with his pain and labored breathing, and in that essence, he was in a much better place.  And I also know that no amount of preparing yourself for the inevitability of a loved one’s time is drawing near, cannot prepare your heart for the sorrow it holds when their time has come. 

Each and every person deals and handles grief differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  Today, as I surveyed the space within the room where a time of hugs, laughter, and tears were erupting, I realized how short life is. Every person on this earth touches the hearts of others, in many ways.  Some experiences are pure joy, while others are hard lessons to learn and some are sad. I have learned that no matter how much time you have to live your life, living it to the fullest means not leaving this earth with regrets. Or living in the “I wish I had done________” or “What if?”.

Cherish your family, make amends if needed, love deeply. At the end that is all that matters. Loving each other for the time we are given on this earth. Regrets don’t have to be if we choose to live in the abundance of love. Forgive others, hold dear the memories and treasures of the time you have with those that make up your tribe. Be thankful and grateful that you were blessed to be part of their life. Don’t be afraid to speak their name or share a memory or story of why they were so special in your life. 

I have found, in my experience with loss, as you share what you loved about the person you’ve lost, not only does that piece of your heart that feels like it will never be the same again, start to fill with love because you had them in your life, the sorrow does become easier to live with. It’s always there, but in order to continue living your life, some days you have to tuck it away in a special place in your soul and some days you allow it to run freely because you just need to do that. That’s okay.  Every one of us grieves and processes things differently.

Saying goodbye is never easy. Tomorrow we will say our final farewell to a man that meant so much to so many. And I will cherish all the memories that we shared over the past 24 years. I will share those moments with our children and grandchildren so our family history will continue with each generation. 

We love you, dad. We will miss you. We are happy that you are home with mom now and we look forward to when we will see you again. Thanks for being a part of our lives. 

Dad & Mom Wooddell

In loving memory of Donald K. “Woody” Wooddell. First breath taken on 10/26/31 and last breath drawn on 11/12/18.

May you know how much Jesus loves you~right now~in this moment. Jesus can turn any mess into a message and any test into a testimony. #HopeAlwaysHave Faith

Blessings until next time~Carlene

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Daily Life Struggles

Proverbs 15:15 The Message (MSG)

15 A miserable heart means a miserable life;
a cheerful heart fills the day with song.

 

With joy in my heart, I still struggle.  Joy comes from the Lord and no one can take that from me. I can choose to live with a joyful heart and know that I will still face many struggles and trials, but still, love and be the person I am because God has placed Joy in my heart or I can choose to live without joy and be miserable always.

Over the weekend, the fibromyalgia flared up and reared its ugly head. The constant pain that never fully leaves, but some days are so rough, that just breathing and moving, make you question if getting out of bed was the right thing to do. And knowing that if you choose to remain in your bed, how many things will face you to take care of once you arise.  Most of us that have fibromyalgia know that sometimes the best we can do for ourselves is to stay in our beds or the comfy places we have carved out in our homes. We do not have the energy to get dressed, shower, or do any extra. Getting up takes every ounce of energy just to be able to spend time with our families, and going anywhere is totally out of the question. That was me on Saturday. I showed up, in my nightgown and I stayed in my nightgown all day. I KNEW I was not going out into the cold for any reason and I saw no point in causing myself more pain to get dressed simply because that was expected of me.

I have dealt with FM for 10 years. And for the past year, it has been manageable. But for the past several months, I have noticed since stopping the natural supplements I was using, my inflammation throughout my body and the pain levels have been increasing again.  I choose to work through my pain in prayer and time with the Lord. Limiting what I do. Staying in more than going out and while dealing with my own health battles, helping our grandson through his.

He has come a long way in the past two years since being diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. He talks now. He is becoming very independent, but also very demanding. He is four. When he wants something, he wants it now. And even though he asks for something correctly and always says please, he does not understand when he is told no.  He tries again, to word it differently or even smile and say please and sometime’s the answer is still no. I know it must be confusing, because he is being polite, and saying please, but simply does not understand that even if you do everything right, sometime’s the answer will still be no.

So imagine being in such excruciating pain, that you do not want anyone touching you; let alone a four-year-old jumping on you, bouncing into you, climbing on you, but you don’t dare say no because you don’t want to make him feel unloved. He doesn’t understand what it means when I say “that hurts” or “please don’t do that”. And he loves to give big hugs, he loves deep pressure. He loves climbing behind me on the sofa and me leaning back on him, but all I want to do is cry because every amount of playtime for him is pain time for me. But I do it because this brings him comfort and joy. Love is powerful that way.

I left my home on Sunday to go to church. I needed that more than I knew. I didn’t realize how much I missed the interaction with others until I was there. I interact with people daily through social media and texting, but it just isn’t the same as being able to see smiles, receive hugs and just be loved on for simply being you. By the time, my husband and I arrived at the church with our grandson in tow, we were both emotional. My emotions were creeping near the surface, ready to spill out in the form of tears. My husband was frustrated because our grandson is a runner and any chance he gets, he bolts. Even though he had his safety harness on, and my husband was holding onto the strap, he wasn’t ready to go on a run with him.

And Tyson has learned that if we are trying to pick him up from the ground, and we want him to stand, all he has to do is bend his knees when we are lifting him and he becomes heavier to maneuver.  He is big for his age. He’s four, but weighs 50 pounds and is over three and a half feet tall. Carrying him for any length of time is strenuous to us “old” folks. Wrestling him into his car seat so we can go anywhere is an everyday battle. Once in the seat, he does ok, but getting him in the seat is a battle, every single time. And he has to be in a five-point harness because otherwise he would be climbing all over the vehicle and exploring.  Safety and danger are words he does not understand. He always wants to sit in a regular seat with just a seatbelt but we know that won’t happen until he is much older.

Walking into the church lobby, as we were greeted, the tears started welling up, and I just didn’t have the strength to hold them back or hide behind a pasted-on smile and pretend everything was good. I was tired. Tired of my own pains, tired of always struggling with Tyson when we need to leave the house. Tired of always being the positive one. We all have our breaking point. Yesterday was mine.  I know the devil will do anything he can to try and break me. For the past three weeks, I have opted not to leave the house on Sunday. I’ve made excuses, stayed home, watched our church’s live stream of the sermon and remain isolated because that was so much simpler than struggling with him to go anywhere. In doing that, though, I lost out on connecting with other people and being surrounded by people that love us through all our struggles; people that are compassionate and caring and offer to help in any way they can.

Sailing Life

I think for most of us that live with autistic individuals it’s not that we don’t welcome the offers of help or hope that someone will be willing to help, it’s that we don’t know what kind of help to ask for. Our home is “proofed” for him. We have specialized gates, taller than him to keep him safe and confined to an area of the home where there isn’t danger. We have learned not to have “pretty” things that he can break. We know if he is outside, he must always be (1) holding your hand tightly (2) have his safety harness on (3) be secured in his specialty stroller with a vest and five-point harness or (4) be in a fenced-in area where no escape is possible. We know he has food aversions and sensitivities. We must always have his emergency seizure medications at the ready and available. And the list goes on. Going anywhere, we must still take a change of clothes bag and appropriate necessities, because he isn’t potty trained yet. And if someone opts to take him for a few hours, what if he hurts himself, has a seizure, breaks something, gets sick. Yes, he is verbal now. Can he communicate everything he needs to? No.

The one thing I can offer to those willing to ask: please don’t stop asking. For me, it’s hard to ask for help for anything for myself, Tyson or our family. But I am learning to accept it. Accepting prayers from others is easy. I love to pray for others too. Accepting offers of helping with Tyson is getting easier, but I know how challenging his behaviors can be and I know that we never know from one moment to the next what he understands and what he doesn’t, but we do know he is very smart and intelligent in many ways. And letting go and accepting help may not be in my nature, but being part of a community of people that love us regardless of our challenges does truly make all the difference in the world.

May you know how much Jesus Loves You~right now~right at this moment and always.

Jesus can turn any mess into a message and any test into a testimony! #HopeAlwaysHaveFaith

Blessings until next time~Carlene

 

 

For My Mom~Happy Birthday

Exodus 20:12  New International Version (NIV)
12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

Today I am choosing to celebrate my most favorite teacher of all time. She helped to shape and mold me into the woman I am today. Without her in my life and showing me the ropes of life, teaching me about the ups and downs a woman will face throughout her life; understanding the heartaches and pains a mother goes through; I would not be the person I am.

This woman has given selflessly to more than just me. She has mothered many children as her own, many that have adopted her as a second mom, always willing to listen and just be there. No answers for the many problems or challenges that any of us have faced, but offering two simple suggestions:

  1.  Always Be Kind – you never know what others are going through.
  2.  Give it to God – and leave it there. Don’t pick it back up and then give it back. Give your cares and fears and worries to God. Pray and wait for His answer. And while you are praying, I will pray too.

She is always available to listen, no matter how many miles separate us. She taught me how to be self-sufficient and independent. She taught me tact, which wasn’t easy since I have always been the type of person to speak my mind, sometime’s without a filter in place. She taught me anger has a place, but not in the form of raised voices and slamming doors. That anger can be justified if you can use it wisely to learn from or teach with. But to be angry and thoughtless, only causes pain and nothing good or helpful can come from that.

She has taught me to always listen, look at the other’s point of view before speaking and show grace to others. She exemplifies that grace daily. She is the most non-judgemental person I have ever met. She reminded me when my babies were young to hold them, rock them, love them. When they cry, pick them up. They need that sense of security. It will not spoil them. It will help them learn what love feels like. To be loved by another human being is the greatest gift of all, even through tears.

This woman has my heart. She has had my heart since I was in her womb. This woman is my mother. Today is her birthday. I love her with so much love there are not enough words to convey what she means to me and not enough time to share it with you.

I have been very fortunate that I grew up with a mom that chose love over hate. A mother that chose to be and live the way she did regardless of her circumstances before she was a wife and mother. (She had a very hard and abusive childhood the first 8/9 years of her life and at age 10 she was adopted and well cared for and loved and learned what love should be.) She chose to be the parent that would teach and model for her children what she missed out on in her early years. She chose not to let the abuse/neglect she endured to go on with her.

Ours was the home where neighborhood friends came, and she treated them just as she treated her own children. Life wasn’t a bed of roses all the time. There was discipline. There were chores. There were consequences but always seasoned with grace and kindness. Life lessons learned early that have carried my siblings and me all our lives.

She has always been my greatest confidant and as I became an adult and a wife and mother, grandmother, the greatest friend I have. We don’t always see eye to eye but she is always available to chat no matter how far away she lives.

I wish we lived closer than 975 miles from one another, but we don’t. I am thankful for wi-fi and internet, 4G phone services, video conferencing and all the technology that keeps us close when we cannot be together face to face.

mom and me july 2018
Mom and I visiting daddy on his birthday July 2018

Mom, today I hope that as you celebrate the 75 years you have been on this earth that you will know without a doubt that my love for you grows every day more and more. I long for the day when I can be half the woman you are. There are not enough ways that I can express how much you mean to me and how I wish we could be together to celebrate your special day. I know you will be with friends and I know you know you are loved so very much. I am so very thankful that God blessed me with you as my mom! I am hugging you from afar until the day we can be with one another face to face and I can wrap my arms around you and hug you back.  Happy Birthday, Mom~I Love You!!!

May you know how much Jesus Loves You~~right now~wherever you are!

Jesus can turn any mess into a message and any test into a testimony! #HopeAlwaysHaveFaith

Blessings to all~Carlene

 

 

 

 

My Catherine the Great

Proverbs 31:11-31 English Standard Version (ESV)
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself[a] with strength
and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
20 She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.[b]
22 She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27 She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates

She is beautiful inside and out.

She is loving and caring.

She is kind and compassionate.

She is fiercely protective of those she loves and cares about.

She is full of passion for what she believes in and always stands up for her beliefs.

She is strong and does not easily back down.

She is determined and does not quit, that is not an option and she will find her way around any obstacle in her path.

She is an artist with a flair for repurposing items that people see no value in. She brings old things back to life.

She is a great listener and works toward a solution, rather than complain about a problem.

She is an amazing mom of three college graduates who are changing the world around them.

She is a wife, a mom,  an aunt, a sister, and a daughter.

She is an emergency 911 dispatcher who works more hours than should be humanly possible. The first voice you might hear, full of calm and reserve as she manages 500 things at once.

She is a former school bus driver that loved her riders as if they were her own children.

She is an animal lover and considers them family, not just pets.

She never has enough time to take care of herself, she is always caring for others and burning the candle at both ends.

She is wise beyond her years and has seen many things most people will never have to see.

She is faithful and will celebrate 29 years of marriage this month to her loving husband.

She was a cheerleading mom and advisor when her daughter was school age.

She loves her community and has a great tribe that she holds dear and close to her heart.

But one of the best things she is…..she is my sister. And I love her with all my heart and soul. Today is her birthday. I don’t see her as often as I would like, but I hope she knows how very proud I am of her, her accomplishments, which are too many to mention. I know she is always a phone call away. Our family is very blessed indeed!

Cathy

Catherine, I love you sis and I pray that today your birthday will be all you hope for and more! You deserve it! Much love~Carlene

 

May you know how much Jesus Loves You-right in this moment-right where you are! Jesus can turn any mess into a message of hope. #HopeAlwaysHaveFaith

Blessings to all!

 

 

 

 

He is Lost

Psalm 56:8 New Living Translation (NLT)
8 You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.

 

I’ve shed many tears in the past several months. We all have. And I cry out to Jesus a hundred times a day seeking guidance, wisdom, clarity, and discernment. I cry because the once happy child we love that lives in our home and most definitely in our hearts is missing in action. And the child that can’t tell us what’s wrong, has become angrier by the minute. We don’t know why, but he has. It’s so difficult to watch the decline in his moods and behaviors.

Tyson and Me
A moment of rest for T and Me

The words, “No!”, “That’s not okay!”, “That’s not acceptable.”, “We don’t do that.” fall on deaf ears. The constant repetition of trying to explain to this beautiful boy that it is not okay to hit, kick, scratch, punch, bite and be mean to others  or throw toys, plates, cups or any item he chooses to use as a weapon to hurt someone or break windows, electronic items; it’s not okay and he can’t do that. Trying to explain to him, once you have his attention (looking into each other’s eyes and asking him to stop, let’s calm down, dry his tears) that not only do we not want to be hurt, but we don’t want him to get hurt either is an everyday task.

He has always been hyper, ever since he started walking at ten months. He went from scooting to pulling himself up to standing and walking. He totally skipped out on crawling.  Even now, if he is playing on the floor, he rolls or scoots or somersaults his way through the room, unless he’s walking on his tiptoes or running at breakneck speed.  He has one speed and it’s all or nothing. And the nothing only happens when he is given medications to help him sleep.  Even when he is beyond exhaustion, sleep does not come without prescribed medications. His brain never shuts down.

Some friends, suggest putting him in timeout. That would be amazing if we could get him to sit still long enough to accomplish that. Today, I put myself in timeout. Sitting on the opposite side of the safety gate on the steps. He was still being supervised, but I needed a good cry. Trying to remain strong all the time, and not knowing when an outburst will occur is heartwrenching. The child that used to love to play with blocks, legos, cars flying down his racetrack, counting and having fun, I don’t know where he is. The child that loved to paint with watercolors, scribble all over the papers and practice using his scissors to cut, he’s lost.  I see him stand in front of me, but he’s not the same. The little boy that I could scoop up in my arms, squeeze him tight and we could count or recite the alphabet and talk to one another, I don’t see him much anymore. I see a child full of anger, aggression and for lack of another way to describe it totally overloaded in his mind all the time. Shutting down the television, turning off video devices, taking toys away and never giving them back, doesn’t seem to faze him. The music that used to lull him to sleep, while being rocked, he cries and doesn’t want the music very often.

The night terrors are not as bad as they used to be, now we deal with daytime terrors. Fully awake, but he can’t tell us what’s wrong. Yes, he has amassed many words, but unless he wants something, answering questions is still yes and no for the most part. He can answer to what his name is, the street he lives on, sometime’s the city and who lives with him.

He has been up, five times since being put to sleep tonight. Whimpering.  “Please hold me.” So I hold him, we sway back and forth. As he falls back asleep, and I think it’s okay to lie him down. Sleep eludes. The minute I laid him down, whimpers, “please hold me maw.” I’ve decided sleep will come for me once he boards the bus to preschool in the morning.

And as  I ruminate about all the changes in the past year for him, I often wonder what happened? Have all the seizures he has had, accompanied by medications known to cause aggressive behaviors and irritability caused this drastic change in my little buddy? Is it the medication he is prescribed for the aggressiveness with the autism? Is it a combination of the medications? But which is worse, having multiple seizures often or living with the behaviors? I have no answers and the specialists don’t seem to know either.

I’m considering everything and planning on going back to Essential Oil use to help relax and calm him down. It worked when he was younger, maybe that is a missing link. I know there are supplements that have been used to help and maybe it’s just possible that is what he is missing.  The developmental pediatrician and his neurologist ask if I can videotape his behavior, but when you are the target of the behavior, grabbing your smartphone and turning on video doesn’t occur to me. Keeping him safe and others safe is my first priority.

It has been recommended to talk to an ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapist and see if that will help. I didn’t want to face that fact. But now, I must. We have to for him. Not knowing if his insurance will help with the cost or if we have to cut more corners than we have to pay for it, one more stress to be strong for. I do know, as tears stream down my face, I will do as much as I possibly can to help him. Loving him is the easy part. Knowing what to do next, and figuring everything out by trial and error is the worst. For him, as well as us.

I sit and wonder daily how difficult it must be that the only way that he can cope is to exhibit the behaviors he has. I wonder if the noise, lack of noise, the lights on and off, what is it that makes turn his world and our’s upside down? Can we reach him? I have faith and belief that God would not have let him come this far, only to lose it all and have to start over again.

Two years ago, there were two words. Very little interaction with others and the playtime was limited to large blocks his tiny hands could hold. His vocabulary has increased. He does engage with others, he can hold your gaze for more than a mere second, but the joy of playing, it’s lost. If he can’t throw a toy, he has no desire to play with it.

A  year ago, he was flourishing in his preschool class. Following a visual schedule, completing tasks, using listening skills and then midway through the year, it all changed. Once he started having his seizures and had to go on medications, he changed or they changed him.

And now, I look for glimpses of that little boy that laughed and giggled, would jump and spin for the pure joy of doing it. I miss him terribly.

My good friend asked if I know what causes all this. I don’t. I know that he lives every day with many Neurological disorders and maybe right now he is doing the best he can. I remind myself that Autism Spectrum Disorder has many challenges. I’m learning that Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder isn’t just about focus, there are many symptoms I never knew were linked to ADHD. His Sensory Processing Disorder seems heightened more than ever and although his tonic-clonic (formerly grand mal) seizures are held at bay by the AED’s (Anti-Epileptic Drugs) he still has absence seizures, and as much as I would love to say he is just daydreaming as suggested by his Neurologist, I am not sure T even knows what daydreaming is or what it means. He’s 4 with a language disorder.

The one and the only area that his language is truly understood is when he talks to you about vacuum cleaners. That is what he fixates on. He has had toy ones, they don’t last very long. He’s rough on them. Two “real” vacuums in our home have succumbed to his mighty strength. He sweeps for a short period and then while pretending, he picks this heavy appliance up as if it was a feather and tosses it a few feet from him. And when he starts to do that, it is put away. He clings to it and has to be pried away from it kicking and screaming, “my sweep”.  Of all the things that he could fixate on, that was the farthest thing from my mind.

I’ve been silent about this. Not wanting to face that we have to find a way to help him. We have to teach him that the way he reacts and acts is not the best way for him. And we have to learn how to do that in his world. Because in our world, we are lost, too.

Lord Jesus, you know the struggles we are facing. Please help T and help us help him. We know how blessed we are to have him with us. We thank you for giving us the gift of this young child and trusting us to guide him. Guide us. Lead us. We want to see him bloom in only ways you know he can. Forgive us when we become frustrated and upset. Remind us that he too is frustrated. Thank you, God. In Your Name Jesus. Amen.

James 1:2-4 New Living Translation (NLT)

2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

May you know how much Jesus Loves You~right at this moment~as you are!

#HopeAlwaysHaveFaith

Until next time~blessings, Carlene

 

 

 

Broken Pieces

I’m trying hard to comprehend the need for Tyson to break and destroy objects that he comes in contact with. Is it because it’s the natural course in the life of a toddler? The curiosity of how things are made and assembled? Or simply the pure joy of seeing toys, priceless mementos of a lifetime ago break apart, or does his need for sensory input figure into the equation? love-1221444_640

I learned long ago as a younger parent to not ask the Lord for patience; inevitably that required walking out many trials involving the art of patience, only developed as you learn to maneuver the pitfalls and blessings of parenthood. In my 30’s, it seems I was more apt and skilled to tune out the chaos. As I’ve grown older and presumably wiser, my hope was I would be much more mellow than I am.

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Some things require ongoing instruction; He’s teaching me to live in the Peace only He can give. To seek wisdom and discernment in areas that although familiar to when our children were young; they never seemed to have this much high-strung energy that never stops!

And in the same instant that something has been quashed, there’s this ray of sunshine that gleams thru and says, “I wuv you.” And sees my sad frown turned upside down, leaps in my lap and hugs me tight.

I talk to him about the broken objects and try and explain why we don’t break things. Some days, he says,”sorry” other days there is no comprehension that a mistake was made.

And I forgive.

I think of the many times in my life, I have done or said something that grieved Jesus, and yet, He loves every broken piece of me and forgives all.

He doesn’t hold our sins over us but lovingly rebukes and corrects us and allows us to live under His mercy and grace.

At the end of my walk here on earth, I want to know that thru all the brokenness and struggles, I learned to love and forgive like Jesus. To overlook offenses and show mercy. To not be the one pointing the finger, but the one saying, things are just things. People matter more.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27 NIV

May you know how much Jesus Loves You~right where you are in this moment.

Blessings~Carlene

 

 

 

Remembering Daddy

My father went home to the Lord on September 18, 2015. It seems like only yesterday that I heard the words, he’s gone. I miss him every single day and think about him all the time. Wishing I could pick up the phone or turn on my Skype and talk to him. But I have to say that out of all the holidays, Father’s Day is one of the most difficult. Our family is in several states and getting together for any holiday is difficult, so missing him at Christmastime, isn’t the same as missing him on a day set aside to honor him.

 

Constantly being reminded by marketing ads that Father’s Day is near and seeing all types of retail products to entice people to purchase gifts for their dads have made it even more difficult this year.  I have a hole in my heart, that will always be there.  As  my father’s life on earth was ending, he was ready. He knew he was going home to Jesus and he was at peace about it. And our entire family misses him something awful, but we too have peace in our hearts, it’s grief that comes at you from nowhere and knocks you down. There is no timeline for grief. I think the reason it hurts our hearts so much is that when you love someone so much, it’s hard to redirect that love when the person is no longer with you.

I had the privilege of having my father for 50 years. He was my superhero. He didn’t need a cape. He was a man of integrity, put others needs always above his own and he was always ready to help anyone in need, even if that meant the last dollar in his pocket or, literally, the shirt off of his back. His rules were simple. Lead by example. Honor and respect your elders. Be kind. Always be honest. Love unconditionally. Do as your told. No backtalk. Pick up after yourself, do your chores. He wasn’t a complicated person, although from time to time he did make things complicated because it seemed like he always had to have the last word.

I think of the many ways that my father and I are alike and there is no doubt I am his daughter. I pray daily that I honor him in how I live and in how I not only value honesty but will not tolerate people being dishonest. I have no room for it and dislike when I hear people say “it’s just a little white lie”… A lie is just that. Big or small, doesn’t matter.

Daddy & Tyson
Daddy and Tyson

He taught me about Jesus. He modeled a life of service to others. He taught me its ok to laugh and cry at life. Life isn’t fair, you do your best with what you have and you thank God for those blessings. He taught me parenting isn’t easy and you can’t be your child’s friend and parent all at the same time. He taught me that bias and prejudice create hate; love all. Let God deal with avenging.

He has always had my heart, loved me even when I wasn’t very loving and forgave much. We shared a special love of being there and helping others. That’s why its so sad that I have very few pictures of him and me together. I was usually behind the lens.

He lived his life his way and on his terms and he went out the same way.

Daddy, I miss you and love you so much, but  I know I will see you again.

Happy Fathers Day to all fathers!

 

But among you, it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Matthew 20:26‭-‬28 NLT

May you know how much Jesus loves you-right where you are in this moment! #HopeAlwayaHaveFaith

Blessings~Carlene