Monthly Archives: May 2019

The Half That Makes Me Whole

I wrote this earlier this evening and posted it to my Facebook pages.

This Season I’m In

I want to scream and cry all at once
I want the fear and worry to cease
I want to know it will all be okay
I want the meltdowns to go away and never come back
I want healing and return to good health
I want peace without begging for it
I want the pain to end
I want one day to be perfect with no problems
I want the storms to pass and the dark valleys to become full of light again
I want to live and not just exist
I want to smile with my mouth and not just my heart
I want to walk with no more pain
I want to know my husband will never have another stroke or seizure again
I want to be all God calls me to be every day
I want to be a light to someone in their darkest times
I know this season I am will not last forever, this too shall pass
I know God will stretch me beyond what I think I can endure
I know God has a plan for my life
I know I may not understand His methods or His plan
I know part of growing is going through stuff
I know He is always with me
I know Jesus is my source of joy, never-ending love, strengthener of my faith
I know everything I go through, He will use for good
I know I am loved without conditions because I am HIS
I want the world to know that the Grace of God is enough to carry me when my eyes cannot see why we go through what we do. Jesus is enough.
I know how blessed I am and my wants are temporary, my love for Jesus is eternal.
©Carlene S. Wooddell/May 13, 2019

 

Hebrews 10:24 New Living Translation (NLT)
24 Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.

 

This past week/weekend, our family had some very scary moments.  Where you stop and evaluate your life. Where you remember that it can all be gone in an instant. My husband suffered a stroke that led to a series or maybe just one seizure lasting over 30 minutes. Wires and monitors everywhere, in and out of consciousness, not remembering the episode or even the ride to the hospital, not knowing how close we came to not having him in our lives.

We both know when it is our time to leave this earth, we will return home to Jesus. There is no fear of dying. The fear comes in when you watch the love of your life, laying there motionless and unable to communicate or even aware you are there. As I worked to maintain control of my emotions, silent prayers were being said, calling and texting all prayer warriors to come to our aid again.

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He survived this time. He is home now. I am doing my best to not be the “helicopter wife”, hovering over him and treating him like a baby that needs to be watched over, just waiting for the pin to drop, but it has been difficult to not do that. It is hard to watch him realize he doesn’t know much of what happened and even after asking multiple times, he can’t remember and must ask again. The sorrow in his voice as he apologizes for something he had no control over. The concern on how long these effects of his memory will last and the sheer fatigue that is hard to comprehend when all he does is sleep.

While I do my best to reassure him that the rest his body needs is imperative and the short term memory loss is normal, it does nothing to help him feel better about it. And I don’t know if I were in his shoes, it would make me feel any better or not.

The fact he is required to take new medications to prevent future seizures and the possibility of not driving until he is approved to do so by his Neurologists is scary. Losing any type of independence at any age is daunting.

But we will get through this together, one day at a time.

Tell the people in your life how much they mean to you, show them by your actions, love them daily as if it is their last because when that time comes for them to pass on, don’t leave regrets of words and actions not being said because you always thought there would be time. Settle disagreements quickly. Life is so very short.

Trust that Jesus has a plan for your life and He loves you very much!

Jesus can turn any mess into a message and any test into a testimony! #HopeAlwaysHaveFaith

Blessings~Carlene

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**Defining Moments**

And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.

1 John 5:14-15 NLT

The past few weeks, our church sermons have been about defining moments in our lives where you knew they were orchestrated by the Lord. Times of trials and joys and what was it that made it a defining moment for you? Did this moment in time grow your faith? Show you how much Jesus listens to you, your cries, your prayers? And would you be willing to share your testimony of what those defining moments looked like in your life?

These sermons started me thinking. What have some of the most defining moments in my life been and there are two that stand out. Oh yes, I have had more than two and I am sure at some point I will share those also, but these really rooted my faith in the Father.

I gave up my life to follow Jesus at the age of 11. I have always been someone that loves Jesus. I had drifted away from talking to him all the time, but in 2006, after many hard times, and trying to do it all on my own, not leaning into Him or focusing on His strength, not mine, he showed up in a pretty big way. If you have heard this before, please forgive the repeat, but these moments were huge for me.

I used to work for a big box retailer and part of my job that day was to count products and make sure they were scanning correctly, fixing shelf labels and enter the data into our system if errors were found. This particular afternoon, I was in one of my least favorite sections of the store. The aisle that holds all the tiny travel sizes of shampoos, toothpaste, lotions, etc.  Those are always a nightmare to count and check, but in order to have accurate counts and correct pricing, like any other item, it had to be done.

I set to the task and started counting, scanning, making notations, printing labels and things were going fairly quickly and as customers appeared in the aisles, I would stop and greet them, ask if they needed help and then continue on with this exhaustive task. One customer kept reappearing in the aisle, but something was different about her. Although she had replied several times that she didn’t need help, I felt a nudge in my heart that not only did she need compassion more than ever, the Lord was telling me to pray for her.

At that moment in my life, I loved praying for others through texts and emails but wasn’t confident about praying out loud for anyone. I always felt I would mess it up somehow, or I wouldn’t know what to say. And if you know Jesus, he doesn’t let us stay in our comfort zone for very long. He is constantly working to stretch us beyond our abilities because this is when He is our strength. He is the wisdom we need in our lives. And as futile as it was, internally I was arguing with Him. I was struggling to offer to pray. But no matter how many times I tried to focus on my job, the Lord wasn’t having any part of it and so I stood from my kneeling position and I asked once again if I could help her.

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As she started to speak, tears gently rolled down her cheek. She told me that she had a brain tumor. She was told that without the surgery, to remove the tumor, she would die, but if she chose to have the surgery, there was a 50% chance she would recover and live a long life. It was scheduled for a few days away and her family didn’t believe in Jesus or God and that she was struggling in what to do. And then she apologized for burdening me with her problems.

I asked for her name. She told me her name was Robyn. I introduced myself to her, although clearly she already knew my name as my name badge was there for the world to see. And then, with a lot of trepidation and internal fear, I asked if I could pray for her. She said that would be great, she always welcomed prayers. But I wasn’t sure she understood my request. So, I went onto say, may I pray for you right now at this moment? Again, she agreed. I asked if I could place my hand on her shoulder and she said yes (by now a small crowd had gathered in this aisle, listening to every word) and I asked God to give me the words. I don’t recall what the words were, but I prayed with her and over her. We hugged and she cried. There were many tears that day. Before she left, she told me that earlier in the day, she had cried out to the Lord and said, Lord if you are in agreement with me having this surgery, I need a sign. I need to know I am doing what should be done. She told me she knew she would be okay and slowly walked away.

I never saw her again. But I know she is living her life to the fullest. And that was the day, I stopped letting fear take over and started listening to the nudges from the Holy Spirit. I think about that moment as if suspended in time. I can see her face, I can feel how I used to think – Why me? Why can’t someone else do it? – and I still remember the blessing of being able to walk in obedience and do what was asked of me, even if I did it with a little bit of fear.  As for my work that day, I did complete it, but with a lot more joy in my heart than when I had started.

The enemy will do everything in his power to squash us, our faith, our relationship with Jesus. He will create doubt within us if we let him. Don’t.  Trust that no matter what Jesus calls you to do, he will give you everything you need to accomplish it!

Christmas tree stand

 

The second most defining moment had to do with our Christmas tree. Our son, now 23, was 11 years old and he loved everything to do with Christmas, but especially putting up the tree. During this season in our lives, there were no extra funds for anything extra. Gifts were made for our children and maybe a few special items from a dollar store.

The night we drag the Christmas tree box out of storage, sort the branches by size and reach into the box to get the plastic tree stand out, his boyish grin, all excited with anticipation, falls to the floor and sadness overtakes his entire face. His shoulders are slumped down and he is about to give up because the plastic stand was old and somehow had broken in several pieces while in storage.  He knew our situation. He knew we didn’t have money to buy a new tree with a stand or a stand that we could use, but I have always believed duct tape is the only tool I need. His father and I were separated and his father lived far away, so coming up with a solution to mend this stand, was forming in my mind, but I knew this was a way to teach him about faith.

I assured him that not all hope was lost. I asked him to retrieve a small board from my closet and the roll of duct tape. I was sure we could fix it. He tried to be brave and not let me see his tears and said, “it’s okay mom, we don’t need a tree this year.” My heart sank. I asked if he believed in the power of prayer and if he believed that God could make this tree stand. He said maybe. So, as I begin to tape together the stand, I prayed to ask God to help me. I knew that for my child to believe, he needed something tangible that he could see. And God knew that too.

After several moments of attempting to tape it together and then fashioning it into something that resembled a tree stand, we secured it to the small wooden board. Again, I asked him, if you believe in your heart that Jesus is God and God can do anything, will you pray with me and let’s ask God to help us help our little tree stand, with all the ornaments and lights on it. With the star on top. For God to strengthen this heavy tree, so we could celebrate Jesus and His birthday. AND if the cat, went exploring, as she always did when the tree was put together, that the broken stand would hold her ground. So we bowed our heads and held onto that board and we prayed. We also thanked God for his love for his children and for his help.

I have no doubt it was all God. That little stand and that tree with heavy ceramic ornaments and many strands of light and a very inquisitive cat,  held up until the tree was finally tossed out as it had many years of use (approximately 10 total, 4 with the mended stand). And his faith grew. He knew that he could go to prayer to God about anything, anytime and God would listen.

As our son, has grown into a man, he knows that sometime’s God says yes, sometimes no and sometime’s wait. But I know as a mother, that was one of his defining moments and definitely one of mine; I am so blessed by the love Jesus shows every day to each of us.

These moments remind me in my darkest times, that God is always with me. That I don’t have to be perfect or have all the answers, because HE is and HE does. It is my responsibility to trust Him in everything and for everything.

May you know how much Jesus Loves You! You are His child. He is always listening. He can and will use any mess as a message to others and any test you go through as a testimony to His glory! #HopeAlwaysHaveFaith

Blessings~Carlene