I’ve read that when people grieve they can break it down into two times. Before and After. Before the loss and after the loss. I know this is true. I also know that this just doesn’t apply to the loss of a loved one. It’s also the loss of a function.
Before sepsis, my memory was rock solid. Retaining anything was easy. Sometime’s I had to write it down, but once I had spoken it, read it or wrote it, it was easy to remember. After sepsis, I am finding that the only short term memory I have is in the moment. The moment it is being read, written down or spoken. THIS frustrates me so much, I don’t even know the proper way to express it as to how much it does. I need notes to remind me that I know something and even then the notes aren’t always helpful. Memory has never been something I have had trouble with and now anything that happened before sepsis is easily pulled from my memory and easily shared. After the illness and hospital stay, everything spoken or read becomes lost. And it’s scary.
As I sit and read The Word, I am glad that I knew God, Jesus and His Word before sepsis, otherwise, I might read something but have no way of retaining it or understanding it.
In His Word, it tells us to be thankful in all circumstances, with prayer and petition.
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.-1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT
I wouldn’t wish this life-changing sepsis (aka septic shock/septicemia) on anyone. It is dangerously devastating to your body, mind and can be fatal if not caught in time. However, going through this almost fatal health scare( had I not went to the hospital at the time I did, I would have died) has taught me to take care of my needs and myself: physically, mentally and most of all spiritually. To be thankful and content in and at all times. To be grateful and have a heart of gratitude for what I do have, for the millions of blessings God bestows upon me daily and for the many times he has kept me from harm.
Many things have changed in me and for me since before and after sepsis, but I am glad to still be here, very much alive, working on progressing to wellness again and thankful I can still share about Jesus and the love he has for all of us.
There are many things we go through and the one thing I have learned through all the painful pruning the Lord does with me is everything is for a purpose and a plan. His purpose and His plans. He continues to work in and through me, and in and through my pastors, friends and family members to teach and rebuke me when needed, to encourage me and strengthen me when I am weak and to continually pour out His peace and His joy and His love into me and my life.
Refining and purifying is a painful process. But in order for you and me to bear good fruit to share with others, we have to go through these processes and weed out what is not from Him. As you grow in your faith, there will be many things you will go through and each one will shape you into the person God has created you to be. I am working on not being resistant to the process. Some moments are more painful than others, but all are necessary.
May you know how much Jesus loves you~right now and always. Jesus Christ is my everything and that is one thing that has not changed. He was my everything before sepsis and He is my everything after sepsis. Having sepsis and recovering from it, has made me realize how much I rely on Jesus and how difficult it would be for me to make it through the rough days without it. I am so thankful I have my Savior, Jesus Christ with me daily.