All of us face changes in our lives at some point. Some may be welcome changes and others may not be, but the one thing that is true is that God is already there ahead of us, preparing a way for us to walk into that change.
As I walk out this new journey I am on, some days are harder to get through than others. I have lived with Fibromyalgia for over 10 years, but until recently, I was able to push through the pain and suffering and keep going, even when my body told me it was time to stop.
In April, however, I decided to retire early because along with the Fibro, I have other conditions that combined together, made it a struggle daily to just put one foot in front of the other. There are days like today, that it has been all I can do to hold the tears at bay. My emotions are all over the place. I remember how much I used to be able to do and I didn’t need a cane and/or walker to get around. Now, even walking in my own home is somewhat difficult.
I know I am not the only one that suffers with a chronic painful illness that is next to impossible to diagnose and just as hard for people to understand. Both times my children were born, the pain was great, but I would rather go through that kind of pain again and again, because it is only temporary and will soon subside and you can go back to normal again.
My sleep patterns are way off the charts. When I was working, I was up very early and went to bed late in the evening. Now that I am not working outside of the home, I have insomnia and can’t go right to sleep and then struggle to become upright during the day. When I am having a good day, I can tolerate the pain. I have tolerated it for years. I do not take pain meds at this time because I want to be able to be with it as long as I can. I know there are some that suffer from this disorder that need it and that’s okay. But I am such a lightweight, that when it comes to medications for pain relief, two extra strength over the counter pills usually knock me out.
I think what is so difficult is the symptoms vary in degree and severity from day to day. So, no two days are alike. It’s hard to explain to your grandchildren, why you can’t take them to the park or do fun things anymore. That has been on the decline for some time now. We find other ways to have fun grandma and me time, but it’s not the same.
A friend once suggested to me that being diagnosed with a Chronic Lifelong Illness, is somewhat like going through grief. She was and is right. I remember all the things I used to be able to do and now they are a distant memory. Even doing dishes and cooking, are a chore because I can’t stand for any great length of time or my legs and back almost give out from the pain associated with the degenerative disc disease and arthritis in my lower spine area.
I find joy in writing and reading and spending time with God and learning His Word and sharing Jesus with anyone that asks. I know God has great plans for me. I am just not sure where to start with these plans. It’s easy to write on topics you are familiar with or have a passion about, but how do you get ideas to write on topics you could care less about or have no idea? So, I am slowly adjusting to this new call God has placed on my life.
Blogging helps me to see that even though it may be tough, I can make it. I see and read all the challenges that people face daily and I try to remember that no matter what I am going through, I can comfort others because I may know how they feel and I can glorify God in the process.
And last but not least today, I know that God will use what I am going through for His purpose. Jesus said when he came, that we would face suffering and trials, but to trust in Him and with His strength, we could accomplish anything.
Blessings to you, may you still hear God speaking to your heart. And remember, any mess in your life, Jesus can take that mess and turn it into a message of hope and victory.
God loves you and He is always just a prayer away.